Corona Journal: I think we should see other people.

Hey, how are you doing? What have you been up to? Staying alert? Controlling the virus? Saving lives? Yeah, me too. Same old, same old.

I suppose I owe you an apology for being kind of distant recently; we used to talk every day but I’ve been ignoring your messages and I know you’ve been worried that something is up between us.

Truth be told, I haven’t felt myself for a while. Lockdown life is getting me down; I used to go to work for 9 hours a day, go for a jog in my lunch break and then go out in the evenings, whereas nowadays I become exhausted if the empty fridge calls for me to drag myself to the supermarket at the end of the road. I’m stuck in a rut, feeling bored and uninspired but overwhelmed at the same time. In my personal world, some things that I hold very dear are in uncertain and unstable positions while the world at large seems to be on fire – a global pandemic, a civil rights movement, the world’s most famous and successful author being patronising and hateful towards an already marginalised community – oh yeah, and climate change, that’s still happening apparently… what the fuck, planet Earth? What. The. Fuck.

I guess what I’m saying is that I need some space and I think we should take a break from this thing we’ve had going on. It’s not you, really, it’s me – and I do still love you. I hope this won’t be forever; I hope we can see each other again when I’ve taken a bit of time to work out what I want from this relationship.

There’s one more thing, and it’s a bit awkward for me to bring up but I think it’s important. While we’re on our break, I… I think we should see other people. Don’t look at me like that – it’s just that I think there are lots of people out there who can give you what you need in a way that I just can’t right now.

What about Yomi Adegoke who wrote this piece for Vogue about performative online grief in the wake of George Floyd’s death? Or Ibram X. Kendi talking about how to be an antiracist on Brené Brown’s podcast? You should definitely watch Jamie Raines explaining why J.K. Rowling’s comments are so fucking hurtful and misinformed and Andrew James Carter’s point-by-point deconstruction of her attempted defence. If you think you’ll be bored without me, you could try treating your anti-racism education as an actual curriculum – look, Autumn Gupta and Bryanna Wallace have put together exactly that! Or if humans in general have got you down, you could just watch these live wildlife webcams –

– wait, you were already seeing other people? Since when? I mean, yeah, cool, me too. No, you’re right, we never did have the exclusivity conversation. Of course it’s fine with me, why wouldn’t it be?

Before I go, I want to say thank you so much for being so great to me. We’ve had a really good few months together, you and I. You’ve made me laugh so much and your support has really touched me. I’m sure we’ll see each other again in the future, a few weeks or months down the line perhaps, when I feel like I have something valuable to add to your life again.

Until then, have fun with all your Other People. I hope they treat you right.

Ok, just one more thing, how long had you been seeing –

– never mind.